I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
