hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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