Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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