I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He felt like a one man threesome
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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