Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
