i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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