ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
