Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
why do cheetos always look like penises
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
