the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Text me some of your sweat
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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