I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
