sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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