I am spending my child support on dildos
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
