I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
