When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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