Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
