You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
