My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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