I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
