sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
