You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
