im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
