Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
