I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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