I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Randomize
