i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
