I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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