do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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