You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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