when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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