Someone shit on the floor
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Randomize
