that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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