I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
