She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
