You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
