I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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