Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
