trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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