Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
