I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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