That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
