...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
So much rum. So many feels.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
