Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
