why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
