the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
