I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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