i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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