Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
