Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
