With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
