What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
