im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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