i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
