i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
