i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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