I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
