you guys were way drunker than both of me
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
