Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I cockslap morals
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
