I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
