So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
